Monday Morning Quarterback



It’s Moonshine Mountain’s annual Super Bowl wrap-up! Well, except that I’ve never done one before and I don’t really have anything to say about the Super Bowl. If I have an affiliation, I guess it’s the Patriots, but I’m not much of a football fan. I was happy for the New England fans the first time they won, but now it’s been three times and there’s all this “DYNASTY!” hot air and what with the Red Sox winning the World Series, I’m sure people are all done being happy for New England. (Maybe this is the real reason Kerry lost.)

No, I don’t know much about football, but I know movie trailers, dammit! Everyone and their brother has reviewed the Super Bowl commercials already (my favorites were the one with Burt Reynolds and the dancing bear and the one with the boobies), but what about the trailers that premiered during the game? Well, I’m here to rank them in order of piquing my interest:

5. The Longest Yard All right, this one has the Burt factor working for it. And we’ve already seen the evidence that a good Adam Sandler movie is not entirely out of the question. But a good Adam Sandler movie that also features Rob Schneider? That is definitely out of the question.

4. Sahara What the hell is this? All I remember about it is Matthew McConaughey, William H. Macy in a strange beard, and a great big greasy gob of CGI effects. Further research reveals this to be the first in what will no doubt be a long and successful line of action spectaculars starring McConaughey as Clive Cussler’s swashbuckling hero Dirk Pitt. I suspect it may well rival the Van Helsing franchise in both quality and longevity.

3. Robots This was cartoon robots right? With celebrity voices? Oh wait, I just remembered some Robin Williams shtick. I don’t think I can support anymore of that sort of thing.

2. Batman Begins Okay, this really didn’t look all that great either. What is with that Batmobile? It looks like something Ashton Kutcher would drive around thinking he looked really cool in. But I’m going with the theory that the whole Bat-nipple Ice Capades debacle of the Schumacher era convinced the powers-that-be that it might be a good idea to put together a watchable Batman movie to lure folks back to the theater. That way, they can rake in a little cash before they destroy the franchise yet again.

1. War of the Worlds You know, I wasn’t especially looking forward to this before (and it isn’t saying much considering the quality of the competition), but I’ll have to give this one the Most Compelling Trailer award. For a second there I found myself thinking, “Hey, aliens attacking the earth – that would be pants-pooping scary!” Which I’m guessing was the idea.