I Hate You, UPS: A Rant

Why does anyone use this miserable fucking excuse for a delivery company? "Delivery"? It is to laugh and then to puke. Yesterday I had a sticky on my door from UPS, informing me that they had attempted to deliver a package but required a signature. So I signed the sticky. Then I got home today and there was another sticky, this one informing me that I had to actually sign for said package in person. You know, for added inconvenience. So now I gotta go all the way to the UPS depot, way out in the willywacks, to pick this thing up. Which I've got all day to do tomorrow. Except they aren't open on Saturdays. Not open on Saturdays? What is this, the Fifties?

So if I want this thing before the weekend, I've gotta drive out tonight and get it, and they close at 7 pm, so I head on out there and there's tons of traffic and did I mention that it's way out in the toolies and there's no sign with the street name so I go five miles out of my way and then have to come back and there's tons of traffic?

Then I get there with the sticky and have to fill out a second slip with all the information that's already on the sticky and I hand it to the guy and he goes back to the loading dock and then comes back and says my driver isn't back yet and if I'll simply wait another 30-60 minutes I can have my package. Which is odd because it's now 7 pm, which is when they supposedly close. So I ask the guy if I can just sign for the package now and then have the guy deliver it Monday and that way I've already signed for it and he doesn't have to get my signature. Well, of course I can't! That wouldn't inconvenience me nearly enough!

So now I get to do all this again Monday and not tomorrow because they're not open on Saturday because it's the Fifties and everyone just puts up with this crap because I guess there are no other parcel delivery services or anything. And here's the best part: I don't even know what this package is! It originated from L.A., so I'm guessing it's screeners, but it might just be some stupid promotional item and if it is, I'm going to have to purchase a flamethrower.

So, in conclusion, what can brown do for me? It can kiss my ass.