Moonshine Mountain: The Lost Months Part II

Our series of digitally remastered, never-before-seen Moonshine Mountain entries continues…

Wednesday, August 13, 2003
Turns out I have to hang out in Vegas for six weeks waiting for the annulment to come through. The good people of Circus Circus have agreed to put me up in the John Wayne Gacy Suite for the duration of my stay. They’ve given me a job on the casino floor as a “cooler”; it is my task to bring bad luck to anyone who might be in the midst of a winning streak. This duty is generally accomplished by deploying my trusty bottle of seltzer.

I don’t mind the floppy shoes so much, but the red nose is a tad undignified.

Friday, August 29, 2003
Circus Circus gave me my walking papers today. In retrospect, it was perhaps not my finest moment when, fueled by an assortment of Happy Hour-priced cocktails from Bobo’s Big Top, I goose-stepped up behind a wealthy Israeli investment banker at the high-stakes poker table and announced in my best Colonel Klink voice, “The Jew’s got jack shit!”

Saturday, August 30, 2003
Attended my first AA meeting at the Little Chapel of the Bells on the Strip. Six individuals received their 30-day chips, including two Elvis impersonators. Nearly a dozen weddings took place during the meeting, each more moving than the last. After a frank chat with my sponsor, however, I now realize that participating in each of the champagne toasts was counterproductive to my goal.

Tuesday, September 9, 2003
Once again, good fortune has smiled upon me. It seems Roy, of the famous Siegfried & Roy entertainment consortium, was mauled by one of his white tigers during last night’s performance. I happened to be at the show and, while consoling Siegfried backstage, mentioned that I was currently between jobs. I start tonight.

Thursday, September 11, 2003
The Siegfried and Scott Extravaganza has been put on “hiatus” after only two performances. It’s just as well, as I was getting a little uncomfortable with Siegfried’s traditional pre-show sponging ritual.

Friday, September 26, 2003
My divorce is final and I’m free to leave the City of Sin. I bid farewell to my new friends on the city’s forensics unit, with whom I’ve been doing some freelance work over the past couple of weeks. As a prank, I slipped a drowned wino’s liver into Stuey’s lunchbox before heading to the airport. I’m gonna hear about that one!

Moonshine Mountain: The Lost Months will continue…