How 'bout a couple stupid-ass movie reviews I didn't write? First, here's Neal Cavuto of Fox News, who insists: "I like my Santa sober. I like my Santa kind. I like my Santa decent." Somebody break it to him, please:

Bad Santa

And from one of the highbrow cineastes at Ain't It Cool News, here's an early peek at The Return of the King. Juvenile and homophobic, yes. But I'll admit to getting a chortle out of the line, "You will shit stuff you did not eat when you see it."