Well, it's down to the Final Four as the big rock 'em sock 'em Survivor finale approacheth on Sunday night. Tonight was one of the all-time greats, one of those power-shift episodes where everything falls into place and you remember why you love this show. If you do, which I do.

I never gave up on Sandra, even after her bonehead move two weeks ago when she re-aligned with Jonny Fairplay - a snake she already knew she couldn't trust - and helped boot Tijuana instead of Burton. Tonight was the payoff for that mistake, and it couldn't have been sweeter if it was scripted (conspiracy theorist alert). Lill somehow managed to do the right thing amidst her complete mental breakdown and now Burton has the dubious honor of being the first person ever voted out of Survivor twice. I still cannot believe Burton had the sack to say "Lill, I hope you can live with yourself for breaking our alliance" when HE VOTED FOR HER MINUTES EARLIER!!! Sweet holy Jesus, what a tool.

The Final Four are an eclectic mix, and it always seems to break down this way. There's Darrah, the under-the-radar nonentity (see Mama Kim, Vecepia and Butch in previous seasons), Lill the cannon-fodder oldster (Rudy, Paschal, Jan), Jon the devious supervillain (Rich, Lex, Amazon Rob) and my rooting interest, Sandra (Kathy, Helen, Matt). If history is any guide, Sandra is screwed, but I'm hoping this time will be different. Here's how it should play out:

Darrah is voted out first. She's an immunity threat, having won three times in a row, and she hasn't pissed anyone off. No one can possibly beat her in the final vote. That leaves Jon and Sandra with their goat, Lill. Jon and Sandra have to realize they're best off against each other, and there's little chance of Lill winning the final immunity, which is always an endurance competition. So she gets third place as she's already predicted. That leaves Jon and Sandra as the final two.

From here, it's not so cut and dried. Sandra gets Rupert's and Christa's votes for sure. Jon gets Burton's for sure. Tijuana and Darrah might stick with Sandra out of female solidarity, but they don't seem to like her much. Lill is certainly a loose cannon, and who the hell knows what Ryno will do? It may be wishful thinking, but I'm gonna go on record and predict Sandra as the winner of Survivor Pearl Islands by a 4-3 vote.

If Lill wins, I will shit stuff I have not eaten.

I've been obsessed with Survivor since the night it premiered in May 2000, and I remember immediately emailing west coast friends after the first show aired, urging them to watch this strange hybrid of "Gilligan's Island, Lord of the Flies and Battle of the Network Stars." This week the inexplicable cable channel Trio, which is apparently programmed by monkeys, aired some vintage installments of the Battle of the Network Stars, something I never expected to see again. I happened across the 1976 edition of the Battle and got a tape into the VCR about 20 minutes into it. Here are the highlights:

6:20 pm: Telly Savalas in a speedo.

6:24 pm: Host Howard Cosell says the following, and I am not making this shit up: "What a glorious view. The rugged California mountaintops. The awesome Pacific Ocean in the background. One looks upon it and feels as Balboa and his men must have when, in the words of Keats, they gazed at each other with a wild surmise, silent upon a peak at Darien. [cut to Farrah Fawcett jogging in white shorty-shorts] But these girls aren't gazing. They're getting ready. Getting ready for the running relay!"

6:26 Team members are introduced. The ABC squad is particularly impressive, featuring not only dueling Kotter 'fros of Gabe Kaplan and Robert Hegyes, but future esteemed directors Penny Marshall and the man the New York Times recently called "the best middlebrow popcorn movie-maker of his generation," Ron Howard.

6:30 Unofficial results: NBC wins running relay.

6:31 Telly Savalas lodges an official complaint. The last runner for NBC picked up the baton too early. ABC wins. Robert Conrad of NBC is not happy.

6:36 Conrad still upset. Threatening to pull NBC out of competition.

6:38 Conrad challenges ABC captain Gabe Kaplan to a 100 yard dash to determine the winner.

6:42 Kaplan kicks Conrad's ass in the 100 yard dash.

6:47 Golf? Are you shitting me? Fast-forward.

7:01 Dunk tank. A real disappoint, as no one manages to sink Robert Conrad. As Cosell observes, "Conrad voices his truculence." They really have to bring this show back. Can you imagine the thrill of seeing, say, Bernie Mac sinking some pompous jackass like Kelsey Grammer?

7:17 Penny Marshall bests Mackenzie Phillips in the obstacle course, thus proving she had access to a higher grade of cocaine in 1976.

7:19 Adrienne Barbeau running. She has my undivided attention.

7:30 For some reason, Howard Cosell is interviewing Dr. Joyce Brothers. She explains that the audience enjoys seeing the celebrities' human frailties. Isn't that what I just said with my dunk tank comment? Keep up, Joyce.

7:36 Volleyball. This is a real mess. Telly Savalas falls into the crowd, nearly crushing a small child with his gold chains.

7:49 The finals: ABC vs. CBS in the tug-of-war. Hal Linden is confident. Gabe Kaplan does a terrible Muhammed Ali impression. Lynda Carter is showing lots of asscheek. Juan Epstein nearly has an anuerism. It's a real nail-biter, but in the end, ABC pulls it off.

ABC wins the Battle of the Network Stars!