Here is a piece I wrote about the unending series of comedies about guys who won't grow up. This was actually the brain-child of another writer at the paper, but he didn't have time to do it, so I got the assignment. A couple notes: I actually meant to include Martin Mull's line about "Hollywood is high school with money" but forgot to do it. Miraculously, it appears in the story anyway. Now that's a good editor! Also, the little sidebar at the bottom doesn't make sense the way it appears online. This is what it should actually look like:


Subject: Randy Dupree (Owen Wilson) of You, Me and Dupree


Diagnosis: Second-degree mooch


Symptoms: After losing his job, subject crashes on the couch of newlyweds Matt Dillon and Kate Hudson, extends his stay indefinitely, and nearly burns their house down.


Recommended Treatment: Forcible removal from the premises. Repeat as necessary.


Subject: Tripp (Matthew McConaughey) of Failure to Launch


Diagnosis: First-degree mooch


Symptoms: 35-year-old subject still lives at home with parents Kathy Bates and Terry Bradshaw. They want him out.


Recommended Treatment: Hire Sarah Jessica Parker to lure him out of the nest. If that doesn't work, one visit to Bradshaw's "naked room" should do the trick.


Subject: Andy Stitzer (Steve Carell) of The 40-Year-Old Virgin


Diagnosis: Late bloomer


Symptoms: Subject's apartment contains custom-made videogame chair and thousands of vintage action figures, including Aquaman and the Six Million Dollar Man's boss, Oscar Goldman. No woman has ever crossed its threshold.


Recommended Treatment: Nookie


Subject: Ben Wrightman (Jimmy Fallon) of Fever Pitch


Diagnosis: Fenway fanatic


Symptoms: During the late fall and winter months, subject is a perfectly well-adjusted math teacher. During the spring and summer, no woman can replace the Boston Red Sox in his heart.


Recommended treatment: Prolonged exposure to Drew Barrymore and a World Series championship


Subject Dewey Finn (Jack Black) of School of Rock


Diagnosis: Terminal rockage


Symptoms: Subject is unemployed, has been kicked out of his band, and is living rent-free with best friend Ned and his girlfriend. This does not rock.


Recommended treatment: Pose as a substitute teacher and share the power of rock with the youth of America

(Also, I don't know why the "wrestling in Jell-O" line appears twice.)