Top 10 Sopranos Episodes

I was going to post this a couple days ago, but kept wanting to make it better. Well, I never managed to do that, so I’m just gonna post it anyway. I limited myself to the first four seasons because I’ll need some distance from the current one before I can rate the episodes accurately. (Hey, this stuff is important.) So on Monday I’ll list the top five for the fifth season, along with any finale thoughts. And then no more Sopranos for at least a year and a half.

10. College This one is almost too obvious, but I think it has to make the list. It’s probably the most successful self-contained episode – one that works as a mini-movie even if you haven’t seen the show before. Mob boss takes his daughter on a tour of colleges in Maine, spots rat, must whack rat while still balancing fatherly duties. Meanwhile, his wife is back home in New Jersey getting a little too friendly with the priest. The Sopranos universe has gotten so populous these days that “College,” which gets by with four or five characters, looks almost quaint. Still, Tony catching up to the rat is probably the moment that hooked most of us for good.



9. University The logical follow-up, I suppose. (I’m still waiting for the episode “Grad School.”) Perhaps the most unrelentingly bleak and nasty episode, this one highlights the short, miserable life and untimely death of Bada Bing stripper Tracee. The first big showcase for violent creep Ralph Cifaretto, “University” also provides a more refined grade of brutality in its depiction of Meadow’s unbearably smug boyfriend Noah.

8. Commendatori Or “the one where they go to Italy.” I’ve read that David Chase was unhappy with the way this one turned out, but I think this is one of the great culture clash episodes, as our macaroni-and-gravy gangsters find themselves out of their element on the boot. Featuring Paulie’s immortal announcement, “I’m gonna hoof it back to the Excelsior. I gotta take a wicked shit.”

7. Whoever Did This After a slam-bang start, the fourth season hit a lull with a series of episodes padded with too much information about the relationships of secondary characters (the infamous “Karen’s ziti” stuff between Janice and Bobby, Ralphie’s bizarre proclivities, Furio and Carmela making googly eyes). That made the ninth episode, in which Ralph loses his head for the last time, all the more jolting. Beyond the gruesome procedural details of body disposal, there’s the bizarre, unsettling yet funny one-act play between Tony and Christopher that takes up the second half of the show. Plus Uncle Jun pretending (or not) to be crazy.

6. Isabella Tony rouses himself out of the depths of depression as only he can – by taking out the hit men hired by Uncle Junior to finish him off. The attempted hit at the newsstand is the centerpiece, but Tony’s medication-induced hallucinations of the Italian exchange student next door gave us our first extended tour of his psyche.

5. D-Girl Another great clash of cultures, when the Jersey mobsters meet their match in the form of Hollywood sharks. I’ve never been shaken down by goombahs, but I’ve met my share of Amy Safirs and this episode nails that type to the wall. And I dunno, there’s something deeply satisfying about seeing Christopher terrorize Jon Favreau. This was also probably the last time I was happy to see my former future ex-wife Janeane Garofalo on my television. “I never had an egg cream.”



4. Pine Barrens Everybody’s favorite fable of mobsters lost in the woods. The episode that launched a million “Whatever happened to the Russian?” jokes. But don’t forget, this one also features the first big Gloria Trillo meltdown, where she bounces a London Broil off the back of Tony’s head and lives to tell about it. For a while anyway.

3. Funhouse This season’s dream episode apparently pissed off a lot of viewers, but where were they when the second season finale aired? A bout of food poisoning sends Tony deep into his subconscious, where a talking fish tells him what he’s known all along – Big Pussy is a rat. Chock full of good stuff: the whacking of Pussy (pardon my French), Artie’s discourse on Indian cooking, realistic fart noises, and a killer closing montage that neatly sums up the relationship between family business and Family business.

2. Whitecaps Edie Falco won every award short of the Nobel Prize for her performance in this one, and I still think she was shortchanged. The emotionally overpowering fights between Tony and Carmela make this one a classic, but “Whitecaps” also set up the Johnny Sack feud and gave Tony a worthy adversary in slimy attorney Alan Sapinsly, who receives his comeuppance in surprising, hilarious fashion.

1. The Knight in White Satin Armor Everyone knew Richie Aprile had to go, but he – and we – never saw it coming until it was too late. The perfect blend of noose-tightening suspense and pitch-black comedy. As Bobby Bacala says, “I’m in awr of you.”