Scene From an Unproduced Screenplay
or
Momentarily Amusing Thing I Found While Looking For Something Else

INT. APARTMENT - NIGHT

Richie tears up his lottery ticket and throws the pieces in the air.

Stan enters, looking downcast.

STAN
Hey.

RICHIE
Hey. What did the lawyer say?

STAN
He won't take the case. He said he found me to be "an exceedingly crapulent individual."

RICHIE
He found you to be crapulent? Is that even a word?

STAN
I don't know.

RICHIE
I'll look it up.

Richie picks up a dictionary and begins thumbing through it.

STAN
Whatever it is, it can't be good. This is a lawyer talking. And I was going to pay him. Imagine what people I don't pay must think of me.

Richie finds a dictionary entry.

RICHIE
There's "crapulous." Meaning to be sick from excess consumption of alcohol. Were you hungover? Maybe he said "crapulous."

STAN
Oh, what's the difference? I'm going to jail for a hundred years and we're both going to be dead by the end of the week.

RICHIE
I wish you wouldn't say things like that. It makes me feel all crapulous.

STAN
Okay. Don't panic. We're not finished yet. There's got to be a way...

Stan starts pacing, rubbing his chin, deep in thought. Richie watches him warily.

STAN
(snaps his fingers)
Wait a second! I've got it!

RICHIE
What?

STAN
The Joker's Hideout!

RICHIE
What about it?

STAN
It's a bar, right?

RICHIE
Yes. It's a bar.

STAN
They sell beer there, right?

RICHIE
Yes they do.

STAN
So what we do is, we go there and drink beer.

RICHIE
Yes...?

STAN
And then we'll be drunk!

RICHIE
Mmm. This is your plan?

STAN
This is my plan.

RICHIE
(nods)
You realize, of course, that your genius won't be appreciated until years after your death.

STAN
Yeah, that's the sad part. Come on, let's go.