The fifth season premiere of The Sopranos is still two months away, but already the sadists at HBO are running tantalizing promos designed to drive us hardcore fans insane with anticipation. Creator David Chase leaked a few small tidbits to the press yesterday – that Steve Buscemi will be joining the cast as Tony’s cousin Tony Blundetto (Tony’s cousin Tony? Isn’t that a little confusing? They couldn’t have called him Stevie Blundetto?) and that the season “has to do with the limitations of family relationships and friendships in a sort of materialist world.” (Hey, watch it with the spoilers there, pal!)

He also put to rest (I hope, anyway) the question that always drives me nuts: “When is the Russian coming back?” The Russian is, of course, the mobster Paulie and Christopher pursued into the Pine Barrens back in season three. He disappeared and the two wiseguys were forced to fend for themselves in the wild. Ever since then, no matter what happens on the show, there’s a huge contingent of Sopranos viewers who just won’t be satisfied until they find out what happened to the Russian. Did he die? Did he get out of the woods?

These questions always exasperate me, because they totally miss the point. That episode wasn’t about the Russian, it was about the shifting dynamic between Paulie and Christopher. It was a pivotal episode in which Christopher rose in Tony’s estimation while Paulie plummeted, and it had a huge impact on the fourth season. Tony began grooming Christopher as his heir apparent, while a disgruntled Paulie sold out the Sopranos to Johnny Sack, a move that backfired when he finally realized he’d been played. The characters have come so far since that episode, it would be totally pointless to bring back the Russian now. Anyway, as you can see here, when asked point-blank about the Russian, Chase says “He’s gone.”

Speaking of the idiot box, I did check out the premiere of the new Donald Trump reality show, The Apprentice. Hey, it’s a Mark Burnett production, I had to give it a shot. It’s basically urban Survivor (“This island is the real jungle," Trump tells us), with 16 would-be masters of the universe vying for the ultimate prize: a job as president of one of Trump’s companies. I see a few problems with the show:

1. Donald Trump. Does anyone really like this guy? There’s way too much of him on the show – he’s the host, judge, jury and executioner all rolled into one.

2. The prize. You get to work for Donald Trump? What the hell kind of reward is that? How about if you win, Donald Trump works for you. That would really get the competitive juices flowing.

3. All the contestants are people who want to work for Donald Trump or worse yet, be Donald Trump. When Trump gives the victorious women’s team a tour of his ghastly penthouse apartment, they stare in wonder and awe at their surroundings as he tells them that, one day, they too might live like this. I guess if you like solid gold, diamond-encrusted toilet seats, that’s something to strive for. Personally, I prefer my dwellings to be a little homier than the lobby of the Bellagio, but then, I’m not a multi-billionaire.

Still, I might give the show another shot. There is at least one spectacularly weaselly contestant who might make things interesting, and as far as reality show kiss-offs go, the Donald’s blunt “You’re fired!” gives even “the tribe has spoken” a run for its money.