How excited am I for Survivor All-Stars? Come on, this is going to be the most entertaining thing ever in the history of the universe, aside from that New York, New York roller coaster in Vegas that makes you feel like you’re going to slam into the replica of the Statue of Liberty and instantaneously disintegrate. So forget the Super Bowl, here’s my pre-game analysis of the ultimate Survivor showdown. Please, no wagering. I have read no spoiler info and don’t plan to, so this is all just speculation based my casual (okay, obsessive) observations of seasons past.

Each of the three tribes has a dominant personality type, with one person sticking out as the obvious exception. Mogo Mogo is the Power Tribe – it’s got two winners and the rest are all top three finishers, with the exception of Shii Ann from Thailand (who got screwed by the non-merge fake-out). Soboga is the Nice Tribe – all the audience favorites like Rupert, Rudy and Ethan, but with much-hated villain Jerri from the Outback thrown in the mix. Chapera is the Big Mouth Tribe – hotheads like Sue Hawk, Boston Rob and finger-wagging Alicia, along with one of the most passive, invisible players ever, Amber. (Clearly selected for eye candy reasons after the more popular Colleen and Elisabeth declined to participate.)

Conventional wisdom has it that the previous winners will be early targets, and no one with a bigger target on him than Richard Hatch. But I’m not counting on Rich going too early. If Mogo Mogo can avoid tribal council the first time around, he may be good to go for a while. If they do go to TC, I think they’ll likely target the other winner, Jenna M. Her “charms” won’t work on this crowd.

If Chapera goes to TC first, I’m looking at Sue as their first boot. Come on, is this group really gonna put up with her for too long? I can see the two Robs scooping up Amber and maybe Big Tom and sending Sue to the vultures. If Soboga goes to TC first, I gotta think Jerri is a lock to be voted off, unless they decide to send off 127-year-old Rudy as a sort of mercy killing. But in the pre-show clips I’ve seen, Rudy still looks fit, so who knows? A Rudy and Rupert alliance would be Survivor geek heaven.

Anyway, it all starts this Sunday! Sunday! Sunday! Who knows exactly when the Super Bowl ends, but probably between 9-9:30 here in Central Time. Oh, and I’m picking the Patriots 20-13 over the Panthers. Go Pats!